Date Your Mate

“Always date your mate,” a wise woman whispered in my ear at my wedding 20 years ago.  The words she said as well as the timing of her advice struck me as bizarre at the time.  “Seriously? Who wouldn’t go out on dates with their husband,” I thought, dismissing the comment.  

Twenty years later, that advice is so welcome and needed.    I heard myself recalling those words one Friday night last fall, as I headed one direction with a couple of kids to high school football game and my hubby took off with the other two in another direction.   I don’t even think we said hi as we met each other in the garage ready to zoom off in different directions.  When we finally got home that evening, it was late and we were exhausted.  We collapsed into bed and we were out in seconds. I don’t think we moved all night.

I woke up in the morning reflecting on those words, “date your mate.”  When was our last date? Why did we quit dating?  The answer is easy.  The intensity of raising children, the demands of working, and all work in managing a home takes a lot of time and leaves me deflated, like a balloon with a leak.  Finding a balance is very hard.  

Once Sunday last winter we saw they were starting a program called 10 Great Dates at church.  We kind of joked about it on the way home.  Can you imagine having someone tell you to go on a date? What difference does it make to go on a date?  We see each other every day.   We talk.  We have a great relationship.   Besides, dating is nearly impossible.   We spend so much time away from home during the week that we just want to stay home on the week-ends.  Plus dating is work.  Planning for a sitter and the expense take all the fun out of going out.

After another crazy busy week of barely seeing each other, we signed up for the class, and before we knew it, we were off on our first date in years!  Date night comes with a set of rules.  It has to be the two of us, no meeting other couples. No talking about jobs, kids, or money.  Whoa…what is left to talk about?  Those seem to be the only things we talk about.  Instead we had to talk about some things like our first date, first kiss, our proposal, and lots of reflecting on our early days.

We quickly discovered that seeing each other around the house and intentionally spending time alone on a date, just the two of us, were two completely different things.  Our first date was as awkward as sharing an elevator with people you don’t know.  But as we went down memory lane over dinner, we started to relax, share feelings, and laugh.  Before we knew it, two hours melted away.  As we left the restaurant, we walked hand in hand, strolling around the park before heading back to reality again.

We found ourselves looking forward to the next date. Before we knew it, we had 10 dates under our belt.   

We aren’t the only ones who love date night; our kids are getting a kick out of it too!  They love watching us be excited to go out together and enjoy hearing us talk about our fun memories of our night out!  I never realized how much it meant for the kids to see us happy, laughing, and loving each other.  They feel secure knowing we are a committed couple.   

Now that we are dating again, we don’t want to stop.  Date nights go on the calendar every other week in INK!  We take turns planning the dates and keep it a surprise.   “Date your mate,”   turns out to be the best wedding advice and 10 Great Dates was the path to back making memories with my spouse.